Choose to Stop Being Angry by Changing Your Lifestyle & Mindset

Choose to Stop Being Angry by Changing Your Lifestyle & Mindset
Problems with anger can be reduced relatively quickly with a change of lifestyle and a new mindset. Most of us cannot change the people or environment around us but we can commit to really changing how we react to these types of triggers.

Putting a focus on dealing with your anger means reducing your overall daily stress levels. It also means learning to connect with people in a calm and approachable manner. In my experience as an anger management counsellor, clients who come for anger management therapy always have something deeper going on which is resulting in ongoing unhealthy outbursts. On top of that they are often firefighting because of the ripple effect of their anger on others.  Therapy helps clients to clearly identify all their triggers and focus on changing behaviours and deal with any past trauma which may be surfacing.

Angry and unpredictable people are exhausting to be around. Its even more difficult to maintain a safe and loving relationship with a partner who appears angry and agitated all the time. Partners experience loneliness, hyper-vigilance and an overall sense of feeling disconnected from their loved one. This is a sad state of affairs for any relationship as this negative sentiment override in the relationship triggers both partners and brings out the worst in them both.

For a relationship to thrive, it’s so important that both people feel safe, loved and respected. Anger only creates negativity and distance in a relationship.

Anger can be a symptom of ongoing stress and anxiety, feelings of things being out of control and general hypertension. In most cases anger appears to be the primary emotion, but the individual is experiencing a range of other emotions which they struggle to understand and express. To access these other emotions, they need to slow down in real time and try to tune into these other emotions before they react or lash out.

How you react to situations can be a conscious choice. Most people with anger problems treat partners and family very differently to how they would treat colleagues and the general public. The common saying house devil, street angel explains this difference in behaviour. Therapy aims to help clients to become more genuine and learn to be the type of person they really choose to be and not who they learned to be.

Here are some simple stress and anger management skills which will help you to improve your overall quality of life and create a healthier more balanced mindset.

  • Find ways to relax during week to help bring your overall stress levels down.
  • Start reflecting on the types of stress that you may be under. Find effective ways to reduce the types of stress you are experiencing i.e work stress, commuting, rushing around.
  • A healthy nutritious diet will have a strong impact on your general emotional wellbeing.
  • Reducing stimulants such as caffeine, excessive sugar, cigarettes and drugs can help to reduce stress in the body, your thought processes and your life.
  • Rushing round all day and feeling under pressure only increases your overall stress levels. Learn to give yourself plenty of time to do tasks and saying NO to unnecessary requests can help you reduce your daily stress.
  • Exercising regularly is a great way to burn off extra energy, tension and stress.
  • Practice simple short breathing exercises for a few minutes during the day can help you to focus on the present, slow down your heart rate, reduce adrenaline production in your body and generally promotes relaxation.
  • Getting good quality sleep every night helps improve overall mood and energy levels. Poor quality sleep causes fatigue, irritability and hyper-tension.
  • Cutting out alcohol can have a significant impact on how you are feeling in your body and how much energy you have throughout the week. Alcohol depletes the body of essential vitamins and minerals which are crucial to physical and emotional health.
  • Prepare for your day the night before reduces unnecessary stress and tension.
  • Start writing lists if you have a lot of things to remember and tasks to do.
  • Plan relaxing fun enjoyable activities which will help you to wind down and de-stress.
  • Get a hobby, something you can do each week which you look forward to.
  • Have fun with your partner. Build on your friendship and start enjoying each other’s company again.
  • Open up and start talking to people in your life about how you are feeling and what you are going through. They are there to help and support you if you let them.
  • If you are having difficulty changing your behaviours and reducing your anger then seek out the help of a professional therapist who can help you manager your anger and change for good.
  • Take an online anger management course.
  • Try complementary health therapies which will help you actively practice relaxating.
  • Learn more about managing and regulate emotions by reading self-help books.
  • Channel your anger into something more productive and creative like art, writing or music.
  • Start connecting more with your family, community and neighbours around you. Anger can distance you from things that have real meaning in life. By connecting more with people, it helps you to develop empathy and compassion for others.
  • Put others first. Anger can be a selfish and immature quality. Putting other people’s thoughts and feelings first by listening to them or helping them out develops emotional intelligence and connection with others.

If you would like to book Anger Management Counselling face to face or online therapy via SKYPE check out  www.orlaghgahan.ie and book online.

Finding A Therapist – How To Find The Right Psychotherapist For You

Finding A Therapist – How To Find The Right Psychotherapist For You

Deciding to go to therapy might be one of the best things you ever do for yourself. Personal therapy is not just for individuals in crisis or who are suffering mental health problems. On the contrary, in my experience as a Psychotherapist many people come because they want to change something in their life, improve their relationships, get motivated to do something challenging, overcome fears or to feel inspired and empowered.

Therapy can be the perfect space for personal development with the support of a professional who can help you achieve your goals, only faster. When finding a therapist, people often make the mistake of attending the wrong therapist in the right location or the right therapist in the wrong location and find themselves feeling that ‘therapy did not work the last time’, a saying I hear regularly from new clients.

Finding the right Psychotherapist can feel mind boggling when you are not exactly sure what you are looking for. A therapist who provides general counselling might be just what you need if you want help with general everyday life stress or work life balance.

Here are some straightforward things to consider to help you narrow down your search and find the right Psychotherapist for you.

Be Specific.

There are thousands of accredited Counsellors, Psychotherapists and mental health professionals across Ireland each trained in various psychotherapy models and specialist fields from depression and trauma to individuals, couples and family therapy. Save yourself a lot of time in the long run by finding a therapist who specialises in the specific problem or area you feel you need help with.

For example, if you want to talk about a sexual problem then seek out a therapist who works specifically in sexual problems and sex therapy. If you want help to overcome an addiction and start a recovery process, then find a therapist who specialises in addictions. Maybe you and your partner want to improve your relationship or separate amicably then find an excellent relationship psychotherapist to guide you through the process.  There are many areas of expertise in psychotherapy which means a recommendation from your GP or a friend is not always a good way to find your therapist.

To narrow down your search, first identify what you want to achieve from your therapy sessions.

Most Psychotherapists who specialise in various fields also provide general counselling but many therapists who provide general counselling do not specialise in specific fields. Now with the internet you can find and profile many experienced therapists and websites to find the right professional. The benefits of online counselling also mean you could potentially access a therapist who may be practicing in another country but that you feel have the experience you are looking for. Expect to pay more for Psychotherapists who specialise as you are paying for their experience, expertise and training. It could save you money and time in the long term.

Accessibility.

When choosing a therapist consider that you may be spending weeks, months or maybe year’s working with your therapist. Many people find being in therapy so valuable that they choose to continue on an ongoing basis dipping in and out of therapy over time.  Convenient access to your chosen therapist is an important factor and should be up there on your priority list so that you can attend regularly.

Ideally you want to make getting to appointments as stress free as possible, arriving stressed is counterproductive. Even consider allocating time after your session so that you can get a coffee or have a short walk to process your thoughts and feelings on your own.

Traveling an hour to a therapist may seem fine in the early stages but longer term it becomes inconvenient and unrealistic. You may find yourself having to start all over again with a new therapist which is frustrating and time consuming. Many therapists provide online therapy which means that accessibility and location no longer restrict people accessing the right therapist in the comfort of their own home.

Trust Your Gut.

Therapists are people too with different personalities, traits and life experience. Just like in the real world sometimes we just don’t feel a connection with someone for no particular reason or maybe for a very specific reason. Possibly you saw a therapist already but did not feel at ease with that person or their practice on that day. If that happened, that’s OK, it’s natural, find another one. Don’t just give up there. Therapists are trained to be professional, ethical and approachable but even so it is human nature that your personalities or experience may just be incompatible for you to be able to really open up in the therapy room.

It is important that the therapist you are working with feels relatable to you as a person.

The client therapist therapeutic relationship takes time to develop, weeks at a minimum, psychotherapy is a therapeutic process after all. If, however your intuition and gut reaction is strong and tells you this therapist is not a good fit for you after two or three sessions then find another therapist. This time being even more specific in your search. Trust your gut but also give the relationship time to develop. Just as the therapist is learning about you, you are learning about them and how they work.

Finding the right therapist can save you a lot of time and money and really help you achieve your desired goals in a shorter space of time. Some other things to take into consideration when finding a therapist are if you would prefer a male or female therapist, affordability, agreeing to cancellation policies, age gaps and level of expertise. If you are attending therapy through your private health insurance provider, you may have no choice who you are referred to. You may need to balance up working with that therapist in the short term at no cost or choosing to see a therapist you find privately instead.

Finding the right therapist ultimately depends on your individual circumstances and what you want to achieve out of therapy. Just like relationships, it takes time to develop the connection so be open to opening up.

 

Positive Anger Management Tools & Skills

Positive Anger Management Tools & Skills
Anger is a natural emotion like all the others which we feel and experience to various degrees based on what is happening around us and inside us. Like all emotions it can be sensed, expressed and repressed in many different ways.

Anger is often described as a strong powerful and raw emotion and typically more obvious than others as it is expressed through body language, physical gestures, breathing, facial expressions, tone of voice and language. Anger is simply an emotion, it is neither healthy or unhealthy. It is how we express and direct our anger which defines it as healthy or unhealthy.

The behaviours we develop over time to avoid, control or suppress our emotions are usually far more problematic then the emotions themselves. These may be using substances such as drugs and alcohol or developing problematic behaviours which are destructive or abusive to ourselves and others. Anger which is misdirected causes the most problems, anger management is about understanding and expressing our anger in a healthy way.

Anger is simply an emotion, it is neither healthy or unhealthy. It is how we express and direct our anger which defines it as healthy or unhealthy”.

When we talk about anger management we need to consider that anger is also a common symptom of stress and anxiety. Therefore anger management must also entail anxiety and stress management. It is also not enough to try manage an emotion which is a natural internal response, we need to get to the root cause of these emotions and deal with past hurt, conflict, resentment and any other experiences which have lead to anger issues. These may be rooted in past experiences, abuse, trauma, family relationships, self-esteem or simply an inability to express one self in a healthy way.

It takes time, patience and a level of self awareness to understand and overcome anger problems. Developing a range of positive anger management tools and skills can help individuals to become more balanced.

Positive Anger Management Tools & Skills

  • Understand and overcome triggers.
  • Develop a greater self-awareness and sense of self.
  • Practicing self-acceptance daily.
  • Make a clear conscious and assertive effort to change.
  • Express emotions in a healthy controlled and gentle way.
  • Let go of past pain, hurt and resentment.
  • Stop avoiding uncomfortable feelings, emotions and conversations.
  • Stop controlling, criticizing, confronting and being cynical of others.
  • Expressing things you have been unable to say and express, these are often called unsaid’s.
  • Stop blaming everyone for how you feel and how you react.
  • Taking ownership of your feelings using I am statements. ‘I am‘, ‘I feel‘, ‘I think‘.
  • Learning how to respect yourself and others around you.
  • Developing stronger and closer relationships.
  • Practicing self-care, stress management and relaxation techniques.
  • Learning how your breathing can help you overcome strong emotions, feelings and anger.
  • Engaging in anger management counselling, group therapy/support and personal development to deepen your understanding of yourself.
  • Changing unhealthy or addictive behaviours such as abusing alcohol, drugs, food, sex etc.
  • Practicing being balanced in mind and body and avoid excesses.
  • Restoring relationships and and start to actively listen to others.
  • Focus on all the positive in life.
  • Find ways to channel anger in positive ways.

To manage our emotions, we must first learn to understand, accept and respect ourselves. As long as we are blaming others for our actions, thoughts and feelings we are not in control of ourselves.”

Anger management counselling helps individuals to manage and understand all their emotions including anger and deal with the underlying emotional or psychological causes. Counselling for anger management is usually attended weekly for a number of weeks or months. Some individuals also engage in regular anger management group therapy. Find out more about face to face and online therapy at www.orlaghgahan.ie 

 

Anger Management – Developing Positive Tools & Skills

Anger Management – Developing Positive Tools & Skills
Anger is a natural emotion like all the others which we feel and experience to various degrees based on what is happening around us and inside us. Like all emotions it can be sensed, expressed and repressed in many different ways.

Anger is often described as a strong powerful and raw emotion and typically more obvious than others as it is expressed through body language, physical gestures, breathing, facial expressions, tone of voice and language. Anger is simply an emotion, it is neither healthy or unhealthy. It is how we express and direct our anger which defines it as healthy or unhealthy. The behaviours we develop over time to avoid, control or suppress our emotions are usually far more problematic then the emotions themselves. These may be using substances such as drugs and alcohol or developing problematic behaviours which are destructive or abusive to ourselves and others. Anger which is misdirected causes the most problems, anger management is about understanding and expressing our anger in a healthy way.

Anger is simply an emotion, it is neither healthy or unhealthy. It is how we express and direct our anger which defines it as healthy or unhealthy”.

When we talk about anger management we need to consider that anger is a symptom of stress and anxiety. Therefore anger management must also entail anxiety and stress management. It is also not enough to try manage an emotion which is a natural internal response, we need to get to the root cause of these emotions and deal with past hurt, conflict, resentment and any other experiences which have lead to anger issues. These may be rooted in past experiences, abuse, trauma, family relationships, self-esteem or simply an inability to express one self in a healthy way. It takes time, patience and a level of self awareness to understand and overcome anger problems. Developing a range of positive anger management tools and skills can help individuals to become more balanced.

Positive Anger Management Tools & Skills

  • Understand and overcome triggers.
  • Develop a greater self-awareness and sense of self.
  • Practicing self-acceptance daily.
  • Make a clear conscious and assertive effort to change.
  • Express emotions in a healthy controlled and gentle way.
  • Let go of past pain, hurt and resentment.
  • Stop avoiding uncomfortable feelings, emotions and conversations.
  • Stop controlling, criticizing, confronting and being cynical of others.
  • Expressing things you have been unable to say and express, these are often called unsaid’s.
  • Stop blaming everyone for how you feel and how you react.
  • Taking ownership of your feelings using I am statements. ‘I am‘, ‘I feel‘, ‘I think‘.
  • Learning how to respect yourself and others around you.
  • Developing stronger and closer relationships.
  • Practicing self-care, stress management and relaxation techniques.
  • Learning how your breathing can help you overcome strong emotions, feelings and anger.
  • Engaging in anger management counselling, group therapy/support and personal development to deepen your understanding of yourself.
  • Changing unhealthy or addictive behaviours such as abusing alcohol, drugs, food, sex etc.
  • Practicing being balanced in mind and body and avoid excesses.
  • Restoring relationships and and start to actively listen to others.
  • Focus on all the positive in life.
  • Find ways to channel anger in positive ways.

To manage our emotions, we must first learn to understand, accept and respect ourselves. As long as we are blaming others for our actions, thoughts and feelings we are not in control of ourselves.”

Anger management counselling helps individuals to manage and understand all their emotions including anger and deal with the underlying emotional or psychological causes. Counselling for anger management is usually attended weekly for a number of weeks or months. Some individuals also engage in regular anger management group therapy.

 

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