Connect with your partner using the Gottman Relationship App

Connect with your partner using the Gottman Relationship App
How well do you know your partner? Would you like to learn more about each other?  How about develop new skills together for developing a healthy connected relationship? Or… maybe you just want to help your partner ask you more deep and meaningful questions for a change. The latest Gottman relationship app can help you both feel more connected. 

What is the Gottman card decks app?

The Gottman Card Decks App is a relationship app created by The Gottman Institute for couples to use to help deepen their understanding of each other using fun helpful questions, statements and ideas to choose from. It has 14 card decks with over 1000 flashcards to select. It can be used as a resource tool for couples attending Gottman Method couples therapy outside of the therapy room or for couples who just want to have fun and get to know each other better and learn new skills at any phase of their relationship. Gottman trained couples therapists are big on providing couples with tools and exercises they can practice outside of therapy.

Each deck is based on the basic Gottman principals for developing stronger relationships such as building connection, creating rituals, developing empathy, expressing appreciation and needs, learning listening skills and asking open-ended questions. The love maps and salsa categories focus on developing romance, passion and sexual intimacy.

This clever relationship app gives couples an opportunity to get to know each other better in a simple and structured way. Each deck provides insight into the topics that it really is OK to talk about in your relationship.

How do we use the Gottman card decks app?

The App is free, simple to use and available for download on your smartphone or tablet device, just search Gottman Card Decks. Practice using it a couple of times over a period of weeks and months until you both get more comfortable opening up. Give each other plenty of time to talk through questions and statements rather then quickly making your way though each one, the aim is opening up and listening to understand rather than to respond.  Trusting your partner is core. In order to build trust together, agree that you can both decline to answer any questions that put you out of your comfort zone.  Encourage each other to use the practical decks which are expressing needs, expressing empathy, showing appreciation and great listening.

What are the different card decks categories?

The app consists of 14 card decks designed to inspire and educate various aspects of relationship health. Just click on the deck you would both like to explore together.  You can favorite questions and statements and come back to them again at another time. It might be helpful to also check out the gottman relationship blog if you want to learn more about all the wonderful research, science and psychology of relationships.

Below are the different deck options on the app to explore with your partner. Happy connecting.

Love Maps
Open-Ended Questions
Rituals of Connection
Opportunity
Sex Questions
Date Questions
Give Appreciation
Expressing Needs
Expressing Empathy
Great Listening
Salsa Mild, Medium and Hot!

You can find more great Gottman Institute resources such as books, blogs and online workshops for couples online at www.gottman.com or find a Gottman couples therapist using the Gottman referral network worldwide directory.

30 Days To A Better Relationship – The Latest Gottman Institute Couples Tool

30 Days To A Better Relationship – The Latest Gottman Institute Couples Tool

The Gottman Institute who are experts in relationship research have just launched a new tool for couples called 3o Days To a Better Relationship. This is an exciting email series provided over 30 days which aims to help couples reconnect and inject some positivity into their relationship. Focusing on important habits and behavours such as listening, appreciation, creating meaning and developing rituals together along with simple exercises to practice with your partner. It is a great way of learning more about the basic Gottman method couples therapy principals for healthier happier relationships.

Relationships can be complicated and don’t always run as smoothly as we might like so learning more about what makes happy long lasting relationships is a huge benefit to couples.   – Orlagh Gahan

The Gottman Institute also have a range of tools designed especially for couples to use together such as The Art and Science of Love Online Workshop, The Small Things Often Podcast, the Gottman Relationship Blog and even an app called Gottman Card Deck which you can use at home for a better relationship. All of these Gottman tools can be used individually or to support couples attending couples therapy and relationship counselling together. You might be interested in reading my article – Improve your relationship at home without a couples therapist with these Gottman Relationship tools.

Find a Couples therapist near you using the Gottman Referral Network Directory.

You can find out more about Gottman Method Couples Therapy face to face and online couples therapy appointments on my website www.orlaghgahan.ie.

 

 

The ‘Small Things Often’ Podcast Season 2 For Couples is Now Available

The ‘Small Things Often’ Podcast Season 2 For Couples is Now Available

Season 2 of the Small Things Often podcast is now available to listeners. The Gottman Institute created the Small Things Often podcast for individuals and couples. They are experts in relationship research and they know from studying over 30,000 couples what makes relationships and love last or fail. The Gottman Institute have trained over 50,000 therapists around the world to specialise in Gottman Method Couples therapy and provide a range of resources, books and training for couples and clinicians.

The Small Things Often podcast shares simple short 5 minute insights into various aspects of healthy relationships that you can learn, practice and hopefully introduce into your own relationship.

Listen to it alone or with your partner each week. It may be helpful for couples who are already attending Gottman Method Couples Therapy or any type of relationship counselling and sexual recovery.  The Small Things Often podcast is available on SPOTIFY and most podcast platforms.

Here are some of the most recent episodes;

  • Mindfulness and Awareness
  • Flooding & Overwhelm
  • Say What You Need
  • What Does Compatibility Really Mean?
  • The Grass is Greener Where You Water It
  • Relationship Facts & Myths
  • Intimacy Through Self Disclosure
  • Two Sides of Stonewalling
  • Complaints vs Criticism

Are you looking for a Gottman Method Couples Therapist in Ireland?

Find a therapist near you on the online gottman.com directory or visit me at www.orlaghgahan.ie for online gottman method couples therapy and relationship counselling for you and your partner. I provide therapy online and face to face for individuals and couples experiencing problems with sex and intimacy, addiction and recovery, infidelity, betrayal, relationship problems, sex and porn addiction, sexual recovery and relationship healing. You can book online at www.orlaghgahan.ie or email info@orlaghgahan.ie

Preparing For Your First Online Couples Therapy Session Together

Preparing For Your First Online Couples Therapy Session Together

How do we prepare for an online couples therapy session?

Deciding to get the help of a relationship therapist face to face or online can feel like a big decision, one that sometimes takes a long time to make.  Preparing for your first online couples therapy session could be the difference between a positive or negative experience of online therapy.

These days couples seek out professional relationship therapists for all types of reasons and not just because there is a breakdown in their relationship. They are often looking for support, guidance and direction on how best to address concerns and worries relating to health, family and lifestyle. Unfortunately, many couples wait too long to seek professional help and support so it can take time to work backwards through any difficulties they are experiencing. Some couples seek out therapy to re-couple or de-couple effectively following a relationship breakdown.

Now that many Psychotherapists and Relationship Counsellors are available online it will make accessing couples therapy a more viable and realistic option. Online therapy is convenient, efficient and has many different types of benefits compared with traditional face to face therapy particularly for couples who have hectic schedules, live apart or who have childcare restrictions. There are also differences between online therapy and traditional face to face therapy – but different does not mean less effective so it helps to be prepared. Book your first online couples therapy  appointment here. 

Getting the most out of your first online couples therapy session together is important. For many couples it will also be the first-time meeting with their relationship therapist and understanding how therapy works. Hopefully, you will have been able to find the right relationship counsellor for you both.

Online therapy is convenient, efficient and has many different types of benefits compared with traditional face to face therapy particularly for couples who have hectic schedules, live apart or who have childcare restrictions.

Here are some simple tips to help you both be prepared and ready for your first online couples therapy session.

Timing. Book appointment times that suit you both which will ensure you are not stressed starting the appointment or interrupted by anything or anyone. I ask my couples to sit down for 5 or 10 minutes before their session starts to check-in with each other and talk about they what would like to bring up in therapy.

Comfort. Decide on a comfortable space to do your session, ideally this will be a quiet bright room where you can both sit side by side together facing your online therapist. I notice couples work best when sitting together on the couch or at a kitchen table close to their device. Relax and settle yourselves ahead of your session, make each other a cup of coffee and settle down.

Privacy. Being comfortable and relaxed will help you both to open-up and talk honestly about how you are feeling, this is at the core of effective couple’s therapy. Reduce the risk of interruptions from family or children so that you can talk comfortably.

Device. Ideally do your online sessions on a laptop, PC or larger size tablet which has a good camera and audio. This means your therapist will be able to see and hear you both clearly all through the session. A phone is not ideal for regular ongoing therapy sessions as it is difficult for the therapist to see you both.

Internet Connection. Make sure you have a good strong internet signal on your device. Turn off the wi-fi on your phones and anything else that may reduce internet connection for the duration of your session. Closedown all applications, notifications and any other software that may interrupt you both. A poor-quality signal may mean the session will have to end abruptly.

Lighting. Good quality lighting means that your therapist will be able to see you both well. Verbal communication is only a small percentage of actual communication, so they need to be able to see you both clearly. Turn on an overhead light or have a table light close by.

Preparation. Its always a great idea to be mentally prepared for your therapy sessions. Write down notes, thoughts or questions that you would like to raise in the session. Its helpful for couples to talk together ahead of appointments and agree on specific topics or problems. It does not matter if you do not agree on what you want to discuss as both opinions are important.

Mindset. Online couples therapy is best suited to couples who are focused on finding solutions and some common ground to deal with their relationship problems and concerns. It is not ideal for couples who are in a high conflict or distressed state unless you have agreed with the therapist in advance that online therapy is a suitable intervention. Being in a high conflict state means that one or both partners are very emotive and will be unable to listen, talk or empathise effectively with each other or their therapist.

Communication. Both individuals need to be able to express themselves, respect each other while talking and engage in active listening. Criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling during sessions will make online therapy sessions completely ineffective. Make a decision to try work together for the duration of your online couple’s therapy session even if you both have different feelings, opinions and agendas.

Expectations. It takes time for the couple’s therapy process to develop. The first few sessions will be focusing on assessing the problems and factors which are affecting the relationship. With sessions often limited to one hour at a time, it may take several sessions before you feel any intervention or progress is being made. Committing to at least six couples therapy sessions together will give you a good idea of how beneficial they are for you both, bearing in mind that relationship counselling is often a medium to longer term process over months.

Follow the instructions provided by your therapist well in advance of your session to start your online therapy sessions. Depending on the software they use, you may need to download software, create an account or profile. I use DOXY.ME which means my clients just need to click on a secure link to access the virtual therapy room.

Can we do online couples therapy sessions in different locations?  

Yes. Online couples therapy sessions can be done from the same location or separate locations depending on your relationship counsellor. If you are in different locations, both individuals will log into the virtual therapy room at the time the appointment starts and a group call will commence together. This type of therapy group call can take some time to get use to but will be suitable for couples residing in different locations or countries.

Do you want to start therapy? To book an individual online therapy session or online couples therapy session please CLICK HERE to view, book and pay for an appointment with me. You can find out more at www.orlaghgahan.ie 

20% OFF Couples Workshop Online – The Art and Science of Love Online

20% OFF Couples Workshop Online – The Art and Science of Love Online

Do you want to work on your relationship together at home in your own time? Now you can watch The Art and Science of Love Online edition at home with your loved one. This is a two day couples workshop for couples who want to learn more about healthy happy relationships. The Gottman Institute is providing a 20% discount on this online course from 30/4/2020 to 15/5/2020 using promo code SOCIAL20ASL.

Dr. John and Julie Gottman founders of The Gottman Institute are experts in relationship research for over four decades and they know what makes love last, what are the predictors of divorce and how to develop healthy friendship, intimacy, connection, understanding and respect in your relationship. They have turned their live workshop into a online couples workshop.

This online workshop is over 8 hours of the most up to-date research, tools and strategies for couples and includes a downloadable manual.

If you would like to talk to a professional accredited Psychotherapist & Relationship Counsellor online about your relationship visit www.orlaghgahan.ie  or contact me at info@orlaghgahan.ie

Improve Your Relationship at Home Without a Couple’s Therapist With These Gottman Relationship Tools

Improve Your Relationship at Home Without a Couple’s Therapist With These Gottman Relationship Tools

If you want to improve your relationship with your partner or enhance intimacy and connection together then here are some great Gottman Relationship Institute tools and resources for you to try out, with or without the help of a couple’s therapist.

Many couples around the world are practicing social distancing and self-isolation due to COVID-19 which means that the relationships dynamic may change. Some couples will become more stressed and strained while others will flourish and thrive through adversity. This time shared at home is an opportunity to reconnect and try something new.

If you are both going through a difficult time together or are unable to attend face to face relationship counselling or individual therapy right now, then these resources will help you to focus on making things better without the help of a professional therapist. Many psychotherapists and relationship counsellors are now providing online therapy and telephone counselling which you could also consider.

You are 50% of your partnership and you can influence your relationship in many positive ways while also learning about your own emotional and relationship needs.

Most people do not know or understand exactly what makes happy healthy relationships and we tend to just go with the flow and hope things work out for the best. Dr. John and Julie Gottman are experts in relationships and have studied couples for over 30 years. They know what makes marriages succeed or fail, they talk about striving for ‘the good enough relationship’ and not the perfect relationship which quite simply does not exist.

If your partner is reluctant to give your relationship the attention it deserves right now, do not panic. As a relationship counsellor, I can tell you that there is often one person far more invested in trying to make the relationship better. You are 50% of your partnership and you can influence your relationship in many positive ways while also learning about your own emotional and relationship needs.

Here are some excellent resources from the Gottman Relationship Institute that I hope you will find helpful right now, what ever your circumstances.

Small Things Often Podcast – Listen to recently launched Gottman Institute podcast which provides simple short tips in less than five minutes which can help you to improve your relationship. Learn about staying connected, understanding, listening, problem solving, attunement and the principals of making your relationships work. Available on Apple and Spotify.

The 7 Principals For Making Marriage Work book by John & Julie Gottman – Learn exactly what makes relationships work or fail from the experts in relationships based on over 30 years of research from 30,000 couples. For couples wanting to get to know each other better, why not try out their latest book ‘Eight Dates – Essential Conversations For a Lifetime of Love‘. Both are available from your local book shop and on www.bookdepository.com

The Marriage Minute – Sign up to the Marriage Minute Newsletter – It’s a resource of tools, articles, videos, exercises, and more, all founded on Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s four decades of research and clinical experience, delivered straight to your inbox.

Couples Workshop Online – The Art and Science of Love Couples Workshop – Just launched last month and based on the 2-day couples workshop all across the USA, its is for couples and clinicians of all ages. This couples workshop, 8 hours duration is now available to watch together online from the comfort of your own home. This is a excellent way of focusing on your relationship in your own time.

You and your partner will learn how to foster respect, affection, and closeness in your relationship. You will build and share a deeper connection with each other. You’ll learn how to keep conflict discussions calm, how to break through conflicted gridlock, and how to strengthen and maintain the gains in your relationship.‘ – The Art and Science of Love

The Gottman Relationship Blog –  A relationship blog by professional relationship experts for individuals who want to learn more about relationships, communication, conflict, trauma, healing from affairs and infidelity, marriage and couples therapy. Use the search function to narrow down your search.

The Gott Sex website – A unique website created by The Gottman Relationship Institute for couples who want to learn how to develop intimacy, make real love and have deep and meaningful sex.  The Gott Sex is a series of online videos couples can watch together and includes information and exercise to help them learn more about each other.

Thinking of starting couple’s therapy? The Gottman Relationship Checkup is a clinical tool your Gottman therapist uses for your couples therapy assessment sessions. The questionnaire consists of 480 questions about friendship, intimacy, emotions, conflict, values, and trust, as well as parenting, housework, finances, individual areas of concern, and more. It costs $30 to complete and the full report goes directly to your Gottman Method couples therapist to discuss in your couple’s therapy sessions.

Find your local Gottman Method Couples Therapist here or want to talk to a professional therapist online, click here. You can read more on my latest blog about if online therapy could help you and what are the benefits.

Stay safe, stay connected and stay supporting each other.

 

5 Great Couples Tools To Help Make Love Last

5 Great Couples Tools To Help Make Love Last
Has the energy gone from your relationship? Do you both need help getting closer to each other? Want to improve the romance and passion in your life?

These super modern Gottman couples tools have been developed especially with you in mind. Gottman Method Couples Therapy is a unique way of helping couples to improve their relationship together by building friendship, creating shared meaning together, developing intimacy and resolving conflict. The Gottman Relationship Check-up allows couples and Gottman trained therapists to clearly identify all the strengths and weaknesses of each unique couple who start relationship therapy. They are encouraged to also use these five tools together outside of the therapy room between sessions.

If you or your partner are not quite ready for couples therapy just yet, that’s OK! These easy to use everyday gottman tools can help you both to focus on your relationship together by giving it the attention it deserves.

Make love last by learning how to get the best out of each other and not the worst.

THE GOTTMAN CARD DECK APP

Download the free Gottman Card Deck App in an instant on iTunes and Samsung Play and take time out with your partner to go through all the unique app features.  Each section helps couples reconnect and get to know each other at a deeper level by suggesting open ended questions to ask your partner and discuss together. The app also helps users to learn how to be more appreciative, develop listening skills and be more empathetic towards each other. This is a great simple app to use at any stage of your relationship.

THE SEVEN PRINCIPALS FOR MAKING MARRIAGE WORK by DR. JOHN GOTTMAN

This New York Times bestselling book by Dr. John Gottman published in 2018 gives couples a road-map to help improve their marriage on 7 different levels. Find out the secret to a happy marriage. Each of the seven principals are important aspects of healthy happy fulfilling relationships. You can purchase this book at any good book store and online at www.bookdepository.com or download and listen together on audio book.

THE GOTTSEX.COM WEBSITE

The gottsex.com website is the perfect tool to help sex up your sex life and learn how to make real love. Two hours of online video streaming dedicated to teaching couples how to reconnect romantically and build sexual intimacy together. When you buy the gottsex guide it includes a simple downloadable guide and exercises to practice together. The gottsex.com guide is a great resource for couples who are experiencing problems with sex or intimacy together or who want to develop a deeper understanding of passion and intimacy. It is also helpful for anyone who feels they may have developed an unhealthy perception of sex and love or who want to learn more about deep and meaningful love making.

THE ART AND SCIENCE OF LOVE DVD SET FOR COUPLES

The Art & Science of Love is a revolutionary live workshop run by the Gottman’s and other certified Gottman Therapists around the world. This 2 day workshop is for couples to learn how to be better partners and have a healthy long lasting relationship. You can find out more about attending these live workshop here. Unfortunately, there are none currently planned for Ireland or the UK right now but you purchase a DVD set of the live workshop and watch it together in the comfort of your own home. The DVD set comes with Gottman couples card decks and relationship guides.

SIGN UP FOR THE MARRIAGE MINUTE EMAIL

Improve you marriage in 60 seconds! The Gottman Marriage Minute email is dedicated to helping you constantly learn about healthy relationships and motivate you to try out new things.  The email gives short regular insights and advice into all aspects of long lasting happy relationship. You can sign up for the marriage minute email here.

All of these Gottman tools are suitable for individuals and couples. I sincerely hope you find these resources helpful. Enjoy reconnecting!

If you would like professional help with sex, dating and relationship problems you can book an appointment with Orlagh Gahan who is a Gottman Trained Couples Therapist. Appointments are available face to face in Kildare and online therapy via DOXY at www.orlaghgahan.ie 

Relationship Counselling – What is Gottman Method Couples Therapy

Relationship Counselling – What is Gottman Method Couples Therapy

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is an evidence based therapeutic approach to couples therapy developed by Dr. John Gottman & Dr. Julie Gottman. Together they have been researching couples for over 30 years and have identified 9 key principals of relationship success. Gottman method couples therapy is different to all other relationship counselling approaches. There is a large emphasis on the importance of a relationship assessment, coaching communication skills and eliminating the four main predictors of divorce which are criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt.

Assessment

Couples who start Gottman Method Couples Therapy begin with a four part assessment process (approx. four hours).  An initial joint session together, two individual sessions followed by a second joint session. The assessment also includes individually completing an online relationship questionnaire called The Gottman Relationship Checkup. A thorough assessment is crucial in identifying the relationships strengths and weaknesses and each persons individual needs within the relationship.  The therapist receives a  full relationship evaluation and detailed intervention plan which they feedback to the couple once the full assessment is complete. The detailed assessment saves hours of therapy and gives the intervention sessions a very clear and direct focus.

Gottman Method Intervention

Gottman therapy focuses on supporting and coaching couples through the nine principals of healthy long lasting relationships called The Sound Relationship House. These principals are Trust, Commitment, Building Love Maps, Sharing Fondness and Admiration, Turning Towards Instead of Away, Positive Perspective, Managing Conflict, Making Life Dreams Come True and Creating Shared Meaning. The assessment will have identified the couples strengths and weaknesses in each of these 9 areas.

Every positive thing you do in your relationship is foreplay.   -Dr John Gottman

Gottman couples therapy helps couples to identify and eliminate what the Gottmans describe as The Four Horseman from a relationship. These are criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. These four behavior traits are the biggest predictors of relationship breakdown and divorce in their research based on over 3,000 couples.

The Gottman method places strong emphasis on couples practicing their interventions outside of therapy together. Therapists provide a range of practical interventions to help couples practice exercises such as managing conflict, talking in the aftermath of a fight, communication skills, compromising and developing intimacy. The Gottman Institute also provide live couples workshops some of which can be streamed online, best seller books, Gottman apps and a relationship blog. You can find a list of Gottman resources on the Gottman Method Couples Therapy page.

To find out more about Gottman Method Couples Therapy in Co. Kildare check out www.orlaghgahan.ie

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