Connect with your partner using the Gottman Relationship App

Connect with your partner using the Gottman Relationship App
How well do you know your partner? Would you like to learn more about each other?  How about develop new skills together for developing a healthy connected relationship? Or… maybe you just want to help your partner ask you more deep and meaningful questions for a change. The latest Gottman relationship app can help you both feel more connected. 

What is the Gottman card decks app?

The Gottman Card Decks App is a relationship app created by The Gottman Institute for couples to use to help deepen their understanding of each other using fun helpful questions, statements and ideas to choose from. It has 14 card decks with over 1000 flashcards to select. It can be used as a resource tool for couples attending Gottman Method couples therapy outside of the therapy room or for couples who just want to have fun and get to know each other better and learn new skills at any phase of their relationship. Gottman trained couples therapists are big on providing couples with tools and exercises they can practice outside of therapy.

Each deck is based on the basic Gottman principals for developing stronger relationships such as building connection, creating rituals, developing empathy, expressing appreciation and needs, learning listening skills and asking open-ended questions. The love maps and salsa categories focus on developing romance, passion and sexual intimacy.

This clever relationship app gives couples an opportunity to get to know each other better in a simple and structured way. Each deck provides insight into the topics that it really is OK to talk about in your relationship.

How do we use the Gottman card decks app?

The App is free, simple to use and available for download on your smartphone or tablet device, just search Gottman Card Decks. Practice using it a couple of times over a period of weeks and months until you both get more comfortable opening up. Give each other plenty of time to talk through questions and statements rather then quickly making your way though each one, the aim is opening up and listening to understand rather than to respond.  Trusting your partner is core. In order to build trust together, agree that you can both decline to answer any questions that put you out of your comfort zone.  Encourage each other to use the practical decks which are expressing needs, expressing empathy, showing appreciation and great listening.

What are the different card decks categories?

The app consists of 14 card decks designed to inspire and educate various aspects of relationship health. Just click on the deck you would both like to explore together.  You can favorite questions and statements and come back to them again at another time. It might be helpful to also check out the gottman relationship blog if you want to learn more about all the wonderful research, science and psychology of relationships.

Below are the different deck options on the app to explore with your partner. Happy connecting.

Love Maps
Open-Ended Questions
Rituals of Connection
Opportunity
Sex Questions
Date Questions
Give Appreciation
Expressing Needs
Expressing Empathy
Great Listening
Salsa Mild, Medium and Hot!

You can find more great Gottman Institute resources such as books, blogs and online workshops for couples online at www.gottman.com or find a Gottman couples therapist using the Gottman referral network worldwide directory.

November & December Update – Online & Telephone Appointments Daily

November & December Update – Online & Telephone Appointments Daily

Professional Online Psychotherapy and Telephone Counselling appointments are available weekdays at 7.30pm, 8.30pm and 9.30pm (GMT). Appointments can be booked and paid online securely using Acuity Software and STRIPE.

CLICK HERE TO VIEW AND BOOK AN APPOINTMENT

We are coming into the busiest season on the year, winter, where the is a significantly increased demand for counselling services. I will have appointments available for Online Therapy for individuals and couples and Telephone Counselling for individuals in November and December right up to Christmas.

As this is the busiest part of the year, appointments may be booked up to 4 weeks in advance so book your appointment online early. Regular clients often block book appointments in advance to secure their most suitable times for therapy. You can reschedule your appointment using the booking confirmation email when you book which is via Acuity Scheduling. I now have a facility for requesting last minute cancellations and earlier appointments and this is available to pre-booked appointments.

I will be unavailable from the 8th to the 22nd November.

Online therapy appointments are suitable for individuals and couples and is provided via DOXY.ME. DOXY is a secure Telemedicine platform for health professionals and clinics allowing you to talk with a therapist conveniently from anywhere in Ireland or around the world. All you need to do is click on the link provided in your booking confirmation email at the time of your booked appointment to enter the online waiting room.

Couples can benefit from extended two hour online appointments which means they can have longer sessions but less often depending on their needs.

COUPLES THERAPY FROM DUAL LOCATIONS VIA ZOOM

Due to the ongoing increased demand for couples therapy and relationship counselling and with the impact COVID-19 is having on travel restrictions effecting many couples in Ireland and around the world, I also provide couples therapy for couples who are in two different locations using ZOOM. Each partner will received a link to access their couples therapy session in advance.

SERVICES AVAILABLE IN NOVEMBER & DECEMBER

  • Telephone Counselling for Individuals
  • Online Therapy & Consultations for Individuals and Couples

There will be no drop appointments or Complementary Health Therapies available for the remainder of 2020.

WHAT TYPE OF COUNSELLING & PSYCHOTHERAPY SERVICES DO I PROVIDE?

I can provide general consultations for anyone thinking of starting therapy and for individuals seeking short term emotional support who wish to gain insight into finding a suitable therapist. I mainly provide counselling & psychotherapy to individuals and couples and specialise in the following specific areas;

HOW CAN I BOOK AN APPOINTMENT?

Appointments area available to view and book up to 40 days in advance using Acuity Scheduling. Appointments are paid for in advance and a 24 hour cancellation policy applies to all booked appointments. You can view and book your next appointment securely here.

More information and resources are available on my THERAPY BLOG HERE.

Podcast Spotlight – The Problem Gambling Podcast Season 2 Now Available

Podcast Spotlight – The Problem Gambling Podcast Season 2 Now Available

Season 2 of The Problem Gambling Podcast hosted by Barry Grant and Tony O’Reilly founders of www.problemgambling.ie is now available to listen to on SPOTIFY or your favourite podcast player.

The Problem Gambling Podcast is an excellent Irish podcast which explores the various and often complex aspects of problematic gambling behaviour, the recovery process, the gambling and gaming industry and pretty much everything you need to know about this often hidden and wide spread problem. Co-hosts Barry and Tony interview special guests and leading experts on their experience of gambling addiction and recovery.

This podcast touches on a wide variety of content throughout season one and will be of particular interest to anyone who wants to learn more about gambling and gambling problems, especially those who may be concerned about their own gambling habits. Episodes share genuine personal stories of out of control gambling problems and expert guests with information and advice for anyone who needs help and support. For anyone thinking of getting help for a gambling problem, you could start by listening to the podcast from the start of episode one right through to the end of season one. You can listen to Episode One here via the Problem Gambling Ireland website.

In season one, Barry and Tony share insights into the signs of problem gambling, recovery and what to expect, self-exemption, self-regulation, conditioning, the challenges of recovery and strategies for how to stop the addiction cycle of gambling.  They talk regularly about the importance of personal individual therapy as a part of successful recovery and particularly being part of a group self help support such as Gambling Anonymous.

Tony and Barry openly discuss problem gambling from two very different perspectives and their professional insights will be of great interest to any health professionals working in individuals and couples.

The Problem Gambling Ireland website offers information, podcasts, resources, support, blogs and self-help information for any one seeking help with gambling problems.

If you would like professional help and support to deal with a gambling problem you can book an appointment with me online at www.orlaghgahan.ie or book directly and securely online HERE. I work with individuals and couples impacted by gambling problems and addictions.

Here are some resources  and links for gambling related problems:

Problem Gambling Ireland

Gambling Anonymous

Gamble Aware

Gam-Anon – Support for partners and family affected by Gamblingwww.gamblersanonymous.ie

Gam-Anon.ORG – Support for partners and family

Addiction Counsellors of Ireland

The Irish Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists

Addiction Recovery Support Meetings in Ireland & Online

Addiction Recovery Support Meetings in Ireland & Online

No one should struggle to understand or recover from an addiction alone. There are many trained therapists, organisations and nationwide support meetings for addiction recovery here in Ireland. Now with so many therapists working online using telemedicine software and self help support group meetings also being hosted online using sites like Zoom and by phone conferencing, getting support is more convenient and accessible. 

When you realise that you can no longer manage or fight your addiction alone it can be difficult to know what to do next, who to turn to, or how to find out about recovery options. Finding support is the first step followed by growing your support network. It is through this support that you will learn all about recovery and sobriety and how to move forward. Getting the help of a professional Addiction Counsellor or Psychotherapist who is experienced in addiction and recovery or couples recovery will also help provide you with the information you need to move forward.

Most people who are seeking help for the first time and are new to the recovery process are not aware that there is in-fact a wide variety of self help support groups available here in Ireland. These organisations have websites with advice, information, self-assessment questions, leaflets, helplines and group meetings around Ireland daily and weekly. Once you know where to look, you will realise that you are not alone in your recovery and that there is hope for the future and a path forward.

Recovery Group Support Meetings Hosted Online and by Phone

Since the COVID-19 restrictions and guidelines came into place in March most of these group meetings are now being hosted online using Zoom and by phoning into a meeting. Being able to call or log-in and join a group support meetings means you can attend meetings regularly day or night and around your schedule from home. Sadly, many regional drop-in meetings are currently suspended at present.  There are many benefits to attending group support and they are an integral part of long term successful recovery. To find out more about joining a face to face meeting in your region or joining an online meeting contact the helpline for the organisation. Many of these meetings are by region or may be nationwide.

What Type of Addiction Support Groups are Available in Ireland?

There are organisations that provide support groups in Ireland specifically for food addiction, alcohol problems addiction, drug addiction such as Cocaine, Marijuana and Narcotics, gambling problems and sex addiction. Many of these groups are based on the 12 Step principals while other organisations such as  Lifering and SMART recovery offer a research based recovery approach.

There are also support groups for partners and family effected by a loved one’s addiction. It is always a good idea to get the support of peers or professionals when effected by a spouses addiction even if they are not yet in recovery themselves. You can identify the organisations for partners and family members by the Anon reference such as Al-anon, S-Anon and Gam-Anon. The Rise Foundation provide excellent support to partners and families effected by a loved ones addiction.

Once you know where to look, you will realise that you are not alone in your recovery and that there is hope for the future and a path forward.

Support group meetings are available throughout Ireland daily and are on a donation basis making them affordable for everyone. Group support is a crucial part of early recovery and successful long term recovery.

Some organisations provide 24/7 chat room group support and have developed apps to promote recovery and sobriety which you can find on iPhone or Samsung play store or check out their websites for more information.

Podcasts are now also a great way of learning more about addiction and recovery support. The latest podcast launched here in Ireland recently relating to recovery is called The Problem Gambling Podcast with Barry Grant and Tony O’Reilly which you can find on all podcasting platforms.

To find a professional registered Psychotherapist visit www.iacp.ie and www.addictioncounsellors.ie or to book an online appointment with me for addiction and recovery support click here or visit www.orlaghgahan.ie

Here is a list of addiction recovery support groups in Ireland who currently provide support meetings online. 

Alcoholics Anonymous – www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie

Al-Anon,  Support for families of alcoholics – www.al-anon-ireland.org

Cocaine Anonymous Ireland – www.caireland.info

Marijuana Anonymous – www.marijuana-anonymous.help

Narcotics Anonymous (Drugs) – www.na-ireland.org

Co-dependents Anonymous Ireland – www.codaireland.com

Food Addicts Anonymous – www.foodaddictsanonymous.org

Gamblers Anonymous Ireland – www.gamblersanonymous.ie

Gam-Anon UK & Ireland – www.gamanon.org.uk

Problem Gambling Ireland – Information, support, resources & podcast – www.problemgambling.ie

LifeRing – Sobriety from alcohol & substances – www.lifering.ie

Overeaters Anonymous, Food addictions – www.overeatersanonymous.ie

Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous (Sex Addictions) – www.slaaireland.org

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) (Sex addictions) – www.saireland.com

S-Anon, Support for partners of Sexaholics – www.sanon.org

Smart Recovery Ireland, Science recovery based support group – www.smartrecovery.ie

The Rise Foundation – Support for partners and loved ones – www.therisefoundation.ie

If you have a recovery support group you would like added to this list please email info@orlaghgahan.ie

The ‘Small Things Often’ Podcast Season 2 For Couples is Now Available

The ‘Small Things Often’ Podcast Season 2 For Couples is Now Available

Season 2 of the Small Things Often podcast is now available to listeners. The Gottman Institute created the Small Things Often podcast for individuals and couples. They are experts in relationship research and they know from studying over 30,000 couples what makes relationships and love last or fail. The Gottman Institute have trained over 50,000 therapists around the world to specialise in Gottman Method Couples therapy and provide a range of resources, books and training for couples and clinicians.

The Small Things Often podcast shares simple short 5 minute insights into various aspects of healthy relationships that you can learn, practice and hopefully introduce into your own relationship.

Listen to it alone or with your partner each week. It may be helpful for couples who are already attending Gottman Method Couples Therapy or any type of relationship counselling and sexual recovery.  The Small Things Often podcast is available on SPOTIFY and most podcast platforms.

Here are some of the most recent episodes;

  • Mindfulness and Awareness
  • Flooding & Overwhelm
  • Say What You Need
  • What Does Compatibility Really Mean?
  • The Grass is Greener Where You Water It
  • Relationship Facts & Myths
  • Intimacy Through Self Disclosure
  • Two Sides of Stonewalling
  • Complaints vs Criticism

Are you looking for a Gottman Method Couples Therapist in Ireland?

Find a therapist near you on the online gottman.com directory or visit me at www.orlaghgahan.ie for online gottman method couples therapy and relationship counselling for you and your partner. I provide therapy online and face to face for individuals and couples experiencing problems with sex and intimacy, addiction and recovery, infidelity, betrayal, relationship problems, sex and porn addiction, sexual recovery and relationship healing. You can book online at www.orlaghgahan.ie or email info@orlaghgahan.ie

12 Self-help Recovery Tools For Overcoming Pornography Addiction

12 Self-help Recovery Tools For Overcoming Pornography Addiction

Recovery tools will help you learn and understand more about yourself and your recovery and keep you focused on the path ahead. They are also helpful for rebuilding trust in a relationship and working towards relationship healing.

Giving up porn for good when you have developed a dependence and reliance on pornography and any type of sexual material alongside a perpetual habit of sexual acting out is going to take some time. Sexual recovery describes the process of restoring a healthy sense of sexual well-being that is not impulsive, compulsive, or problematic in any way. There is no shame, guilt, remorse, regret, or secrecy associated with being a healthy sexual adult.

Getting help for pornography addiction means also dealing with the negative ripple effect on health, relationships, lifestyle and your overall mindset. Often unresolved problems linked to stress, trauma and loss become evident as clients who come for therapy open-up and talk about their problems. The impact of having a long-term porn habit slowly unravels.

Every clients story and experience of pornography dependence and addiction is different and individual to them. However, the characteristics and problems associated with porn addiction are often similar. There are basic tasks of recovery and achieving abstinence and these can be supported using practical recovery tools that will suit almost everyone.

Using visible recovery tools will help to rebuild trust in a relationship that may have broken down. It shows that you are taking your recovery seriously and are committed to ongoing change and learning. They can also be a safe conversation starter for couples struggling to talk about the problem.

In supporting my clients through addiction and recovery, I want to help make the process as easy as possible by sharing practical recovery tools that I know can be helpful. It is easy for anyone to use these practical recovery tools every single day. What is more challenging is understanding and changing behaviours, habits, resolving emotional conflict and committing to ongoing personal therapy.

Using recovery tools will help to reinforce these more challenging behavioural changes which take time. They are also helpful for re-building trust in a relationship as your partner can see you doing practical things for your recovery.

What are recovery tools for pornography and sex addiction?

Recovery tools are essentially practical things and habits you can do on a daily basis that will support your recovery and help you develop new insight and understanding of the problem. Rehabilitation, addiction counselling, addiction coaching, group support, group therapy and relationship counselling are recovery interventions that can be reinforced by using recovery tools.

What recovery tools can I use for pornography addiction?

These different types of recovery tool’s will help you to be focused and motivated about sexual recovery even if you’re not exactly sure what that means for you just yet. Early recovery is a big learning curve. Here are some examples and suggestions of recovery tools that I know have helped my clients particularly in early recovery from pornography and sex addiction. Find some that work for you and keep using them. It is better to use two or three often then different ones sporadically and randomly.

Podcasts. Listen to one or two podcasts each week that are related to sexual recovery, overcoming porn problems and relationship healing. Two popular podcasts right now are Consider Before Consuming & Sex, Love and Addiction 101 which are available on Spotify.

Keeping a Diary. Get yourself a page a day diary and spend 5 minutes each morning or evening filling it out. Record your therapy appointments, daily reflections, sobriety day, mood good or bad, triggers and recovery tools/tasks for that day. It’s a great way of learning to be focused on changing your behaviours and habits. This is also helpful for building trust in the relationship because it is evidence that you are doing practical things to overcoming pornography.

Books. Books are a super recovery tool. There are lots of books available about overcoming pornography and the effect it can have on your brain, biology, relationships and sexual functioning etc. I could suggest authors such as Dr. Patrick Cairns, Dr. Rob Weiss, Paula Hall and Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson. Relationship books are really helpful for relationship healing and learning how to restore trust again. Again, having books by the bedside locker shows that you are reading and learning about recovery which show your partner you are committed to recovery.

Workbooks. Workbooks are a practical way of working through the stages of your own recovery and learn about the addiction cycle, triggers, managing habits and changing behaviours. The Kick Start Recovery Guide by Paula Hall is an excellent 21 page free downloadable workbook for getting started on porn recovery.  Sex Addiction 101 Workbook by Dr. Rob Weiss (2016) and Facing the Shadow by Dr. Patrick Carnes are two recent workbooks that I recommend to my clients.

Wall Calendar. This simple mindfulness practice is a good visual motivational tool. Tick each day you have achieved another day of sexual sobriety. Some clients also draw smiley faces to help describe if it was a good day, bad day or just OK day. It is also a simple practical way of building trust with your partner so they can also keep track of your progress and mood.

10 Minute Exercise Ritual. Work through impulses, urges, emotional upset and feelings of slipping or relapsing by creating a simple 10 minute exercise ritual. This will be something really simple like doing 100 sit-up, 100 press-ups, 100 star jumps or a 10-minute run. Basically brief energetic exercise that will get you into your body and away from your thinking and thoughts temporarily.

Setting Recovery Goals. Write out a list of Short Term Goals (0 – 90 days), Medium Term Goals (90 – 365 days ) and Long Term Recovery Goals (365+) days. Record the list in your diary and mark dates in advance. Keep adding to this list as you need to and tick them off as you achieve your goals. Set yourself rewards for achieving and succeeding.

Audio-books. Just like traditional books, audio-books are a great way of focusing on recovery and you can listen to them in your own time. Listening to biographies, personal development and self-help audio-books are helpful in recovery. Download them on your phone or table for easy access anytime.

Self-Soothing Techniques. These are an important aspect of sexual recovery to help the transition from being impulsive and compulsive sexually to being mindful and accepting of sexual feelings, thoughts, and impulses without acting out sexually. They consist of simple 10 minute breathing exercises, listening to a meditation or meditation music, positive affirmations or more simple practices like just taking a 10 minute walk rather than acting out.

Online Support.  There are a host of 24/7 online supports such as webinars, group support & inspirational speakers for people going through all types of recovery and sobriety. Webinars and experts can be viewed on YouTube and TedX. Online support groups are available on most of the 12 Step Support group websites via ZOOM or by teleconferencing. Dr. Rob Weiss has online support groups every week at sexandrelationshiphealing.com which you can register and access.

Recovery Apps. The Fortify App helps people to overcome pornography and quit porn for good. It provides a host of tools, video’s, research, shared experiences and most popular – a community forum. The premium version is worth investing in at about $15 a month. It is a good way to stay motivated and learn something new every single day. The Fortify programme is also available as a book and is available on AMAZON.

Restriction Software. Also called parental control software which can be applied PC’s and smartphones such as Qustodio can help compulsive and impulsive porn users restrict availability of sexual content on their devices. Interrupting access and reducing availability and accessibility can make early recovery easier. Some couples choose to use this type of software on home and personal devices as part of a restoring trust plan together.

I hope that you find some of these recovery tools helpful to your recovery plans. If you would like professional online support, couples recovery counselling online or your own personal addiction recovery counselling online via ZOOM you can book an appointment HERE.

You can find more articles on my blog at www.orlaghgahan.ie

 

 

Podcast Spotlight – Sex, Love & Addiction 101 with Dr. Rob Weiss

Podcast Spotlight – Sex, Love & Addiction 101 with Dr. Rob Weiss

There is no doubt that Sex, Love & Addiction 101 with Dr. Rob Weiss is the best podcast available out there right now for anyone seeking information, insight, opinion and expert advice about all aspects of sex addiction, porn addiction and sexual recovery.

Dr. Rob Weiss is a leading expert in the field of sex and love addiction and sexual recovery and also author of 10 books about sexual recovery, porn addiction, intimacy and infidelity. He hosts this wonderful informative and easy to listen to podcast with many expert guests who share their experiences, research, and knowledge with listeners.

Dr. Weiss is the Chief Clinical Officer of sexandrelationshiphealing.com and founder of seekingintegrity.com where you can find additional information and support for sex and pornography addiction including online support groups.

This podcast is not just about sex and love addiction. It explores the many aspects of intimacy, connection, sexuality, healing, self-development and relationships.

Sex, Love and Addiction 101 which is available on Spotify, Apple iTunes and most podcasting platforms also focuses on important issues impacting partners effected by sex and porn addiction, relationship breakdown, trauma, infidelity, betrayal and the relationship recovery process. Partners need help and support too in order to take control of their own health and well-being and to make important decisions about their own healing and recovery process.

This podcast is an excellent recovery tool for anyone starting sexual recovery and for those who want to stay focused on maintaining their sexual recovery and sobriety. It can also be helpful for therapists and partners who want to better develop their understanding and awareness in order to support someone through sexual recovery in a compassionate and empathetic way.

With weekly podcasts focusing on the various aspects of human sexuality and sexual behaviours, Dr. Weiss talks openly and comfortably about topics which many of us would struggle to discuss and address in our daily lives with partners or friends. His kind and compassionate approach alongside sharing his own personal experiences will help listeners to reflect on how best to address and talk about their own personal dilemmas and hopefully seek out professional help.

The reason I suggest this podcasts as a recovery tool to many of my clients who come to therapy for sex and relationship problems is because it touches on problems that come up for clients that they believe are uncommon or stigmatized. These include problematic pornography use, women and porn, infidelity, affairs, betrayal, sexual compulsivity, love addiction, fantasy, fetish, relationship breakdown and relationship healing. Many topics that clients simply feel are off limits to discuss openly outside of professional therapy.

One of the best ways to get focused and motivated about recovery and understand your problems from an all-round perspective is to listen and learn from the experts. The great thing about podcasts is that they are often topic specific, available instantaneously and easy to listen to privately in your own time.

Don’t know what to listen to first? Here are some of my favorite episodes…
  • Defining Love Again After a Betrayal with Michelle Mays
  • Help Her Heal with Carol the Coach
  • About Disclosure with Mari Lee
  • Let’s Talk about Porn Addiction with Dr. Rob Weiss
  • Going to Therapy Online with Forest Benedict
If you would like to talk to a professional Psychotherapist about a sex and relationship problem, sex and pornography addiction, infidelity, affair, sexual recovery, intimacy, fetish or any related concerns you can book an appointment with me online at www.orlaghgahan.ie and schedule a professional telephone and online therapy session.

 

 

20% OFF Couples Workshop Online – The Art and Science of Love Online

20% OFF Couples Workshop Online – The Art and Science of Love Online

Do you want to work on your relationship together at home in your own time? Now you can watch The Art and Science of Love Online edition at home with your loved one. This is a two day couples workshop for couples who want to learn more about healthy happy relationships. The Gottman Institute is providing a 20% discount on this online course from 30/4/2020 to 15/5/2020 using promo code SOCIAL20ASL.

Dr. John and Julie Gottman founders of The Gottman Institute are experts in relationship research for over four decades and they know what makes love last, what are the predictors of divorce and how to develop healthy friendship, intimacy, connection, understanding and respect in your relationship. They have turned their live workshop into a online couples workshop.

This online workshop is over 8 hours of the most up to-date research, tools and strategies for couples and includes a downloadable manual.

If you would like to talk to a professional accredited Psychotherapist & Relationship Counsellor online about your relationship visit www.orlaghgahan.ie  or contact me at info@orlaghgahan.ie

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